Sources report an outbreak of dairy and beer consumption occurring in and around the capitol city of Wisconsin over the weekend, with unconfirmed sausage sightings.
The consumption incidents took place on the Memorial Union Terrace, along State Street, and at several privately owned brewpubs. Witnesses stated seeing the alleged perpetrators at various locales throughout the weekend.
“I saw them eating cheese curds and cream puffs at 9am at the Farmer’s Market, and then later having ice cream at the Terrace. My god, how much dairy can one person ingest,” said bystander Jon Jonson.
Nutritionist Ima Buzzkjill stated “A diet this high in dairy and alcohol is irresponsible and definitely not recommended. I sincerely hope they can’t zip their jeans up; that’ll show them.”
An unnamed source claimed the incidents were triggered from a family visit, and that the only regrets voiced by the participants were that the brats didn’t have enough sauerkraut.