I really meant to create an end of year post for 2014. It would have gone over the highs and lows of the year, capturing what I’d learned and giving an overall sense of the year. And, of course, it would been so well written as to seem universal, with anyone reading it smiling and nodding in appreciation.
Instead, as the temperatures plummeted and the amount of sunlight shrank, I spent my time drinking Tom & Jerry’s and binge watching TV. January, on the other hand, is the perfect month for deep introspection. January exists as the hangover to December, the Jiminy Cricket of months when you face up to everything wrong that needs to be fixed.
Therefore, I am going to do my 2015 year in review now. Why wait? This will ensure me of completing it, and I can smugly sit back in realization that I will be the first person to have completed it.
This year I resolve to fix up my house and myself. Joined a gym and spent $300 dollars on a gym bag, shoes and clothes. The first week I went 4 times, proving what a good idea it was to buy all those clothes. Since I’ll be looking great in just a few months, I signed up for a 6-month membership to an online dating site; I fully expect to meet someone wonderful within the first month or two, but 6 months was a better deal. I’ve also cleaned and vacuumed the entire house and brought 3 bags to Goodwill.
2015 will be my year!
Going to the gym 2 – 3 times a week; 4 times a week was just nuts. I plan on waking up at 5am to do yoga; spent $200 on yoga pants and DVDs. I’m bringing healthy lunches to work every day. Have been busy contacting likely looking single men from the dating site – 4 meet and greets this month!
This is my year!
Decided it was too hard to get to the gym after work, so am going on weekends only, when I can spend a lot longer exercising. Also, it turned out that the cat thought Yoga was an invitation to jump on my back, and 5am is way too early to do anything but sleep. But that’s Okay, because I’m still exercising once or twice a week. The dating site meets were a disappointment. All the men I met were kind of blah, except for one – I really liked him. He didn’t like me.
I hope this will be my year.
Something smelled weird in the fridge, realized all the vegetables I bought had turned to green slime. Made it to the gym twice this month, yay for me! Stopped bringing lunches to work, instead I’m just eating chips from the vending machines –only 220 calories per bag, so having 1 or 2 per day is fine. House is a mess, but there is no point cleaning until winter is finally over.
Warm weather finally arrives! No reason to go to the gym because I can exercise outside. Signed up for a tennis class and plan to go jogging on the days when I don’t play tennis. Spent $300 on a tennis racket, clothes and shoes for these new activities. Really excited about this, I plan on playing nightly after work and weekends.
Tennis is hard, and it hurts my knees. I need at least 2 days rest after playing a game. Jogging is okay, but so far I haven’t gone more than a few blocks. Have given up on eating healthy lunches at work – the job is stressful enough without having to obsess over lunch.
Remembered I had joined the stupid dating web site when I saw the automated renewal on my credit card bill. All the men who look good to me want to find women 10 – 20 years younger than they are. The house is a mess.
Too hot to do anything outside. Went to try yoga again, but couldn’t find the DVDs anywhere. The cat had ripped a hole in my yoga pants. Went to a farmer’s market and spent a lot of money on health, fresh vegetables.
Decided to start going back to the gym, but couldn’t find my clothes. I spent another $300 on a new gym bags, shoes and clothes. Went once, but it was crowded. House looks dusty and dirty, did some cleaning. Found the old gym bag, shoes and clothes. Cleaned out the refrigerator; more slimy vegetables.
Bought 10 pounds of candy for Halloween. Ate 10 pounds of candy. Bought 10 more. Went to the gym twice, but didn’t see any weight loss.
Ate the 9 pounds of candy left over after Halloween. Thought about going to the gym, but was too depressed because it now gets dark at 5pm. This year sucks.
What a shitty year this has been. Next year will be different. Next year I will exercise on a regular basis, learn yoga, meet a nice guy and keep my house looking gorgeous.
I can’t wait for 2016.